There comes a time in our lives when we wish we could take back or change some of the things that we have said or done.  In this world of ours it is easy to see that the major cause of conflict is as an unwillingness to extend forgiveness.  The lack of forgiveness can cause so many problems to arise and even cause individuals to develop a hatred for one another, divorce, family problems, and violence.  This brings us to the word forgiveness, which means “to send forth, to send away, to remit.”

Forgiveness is a form of realism and an aspect of humanity that allows us to see our lives as they really are.  Forgiveness becomes a sign of positive self-esteem that allow us to put the past into proper perspective.  We no longer identify ourselves by the past injustices and offenses committed against us.  Yet, it does not deny, minimize, or justify what others have done to us, or the pain and suffering we have experienced from the offense.  Each of us has been hurt at one time or another, and each of us has hurt others.  Therefore, just as all of us must forgive, so all of us need to be forgiven.  Without true forgiveness there can be no peace, no justice, and no unity. Forgiveness allows us to look squarely at old wounds and scars and see them for what they are.  It is a way of releasing ourselves from the pain and suffering we have experienced at the hands of others. Forgiveness can heal individuals, families, marriages, communities, and even entire nations.

In the event of wrongdoing a relationship develops between the transgressors and the victim. This relationship always demands a resolution.  Otherwise, forgiveness becomes the difficult and incomplete process which is our present experience; in this instance we have three options.

First option is restitution (payment); this is made the victim b the transgressor. Second option is retaliation; the victim avenges himself or herself against the transgressor.  Third option is forgiveness; consequently it brings about clemency, mercy, compassion, and amnesty to the relationship.  As merciful and compassionate as it sounds, for some forgiveness will not be an easy task to undertake.  It is not going to be easy for the victim to gather the disposition to forgive. Even when finally done, the matter that was forgiven often finds a way to linger and evoke strong negative feelings. The transgressor on his or her part many times finds it difficult to accept forgiveness. 

Jesus tells us in St. Matthew 6:12, 14-15 to pray saying; “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors, for if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive men their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”  Those who come before the Father unwilling to forgive others cannot expect him to show them love and mercy.  God will not show them mercy and love that they will not extend to others.  If we can find it within ourselves to forgive others when they offend us then our heavenly Father will forgive us.

Jesus compares our sins (offenses) to debts. We have violated our obligation of being obedient to God, and this exposes us to the penalty that results from that violation.  To teach us the lesson of forgiveness, God bases how he forgives us by the forgiveness we extend to others.  In other words, we must have a ready heart and a willingness to forgive and forget the offenses.  When we put Christ’s command into practice by forgiving, it creates a ripple effect that can touch thousands of lives and even affect the course of history. 

To forgive is not just a command of Christ; it is the key o reconciling all that is broken in our lives and relationships. We must forgive even if the offender does not ask to be forgiven.  The next statement may be difficult to accept, but we must treat the one who has injured or offended us with kindness, not harboring any grudges.  Why should one act this way when it goes against human nature?

First o all it produces peace-peace with self, peace with fellow man, and most importantly peace with God.  Secondly, it sets the example for the offending individual and for everyone else to understand what God considers right and proper. If you find that you are having a problem with forgiveness, it probably because you cannot find any other way to see the wrong differently. This remains true because it is the state in which most of us live in.  To forgive is to set one free, to acknowledge that it does no good to hate or to hold grudges.  Hate really destroys both the other person and yourself by bridging a gap between both parties. Whereas hate only multiplies hate, violence only multiplies violence, and toughness only multiplies toughness in a destructive manner.  When we forgive we set ourselves free from the demon of bitterness and hatred.  We also set loose the power of love in the world and throughout all of humanity. 

The power to forgive lies within us; Jesus offered his disciples the “Keys to the kingdom.” We (humanity) hold that key of forgiveness in our hands and it’s up to us to choose whether or not to use it.  Christ wants to use our hands, wounded as they may be, to extend his forgiveness to the world.  Will they be closed or outstretched like his? So many of us fail to realize is that forgiveness is a doorway to peace and happiness, not that we are wrongdoing, but overcoming the evil inside us and in our world with love.  Forgiveness then becomes a possibility and a reality in our lives and throughout mankind, but it’s going to take time and much hard work from both parties before it is finally achieved.

In St. John 23:34; we find Jesus hanging on the cross and bleeding from his wounds he had suffered from his transgressors.  As he looked down from the cross at them who had crucified him, abandoned him, lied on him, betrayed him, beaten him, and those who had denied him he replied with words that have echoed throughout the centuries “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

                                                                      ©By Rev. Christopher D. Handy